My Train of Time

As time took its toil on us, we began to grow a lot faster than we expected, memories fading, and we've got hundreds of relationships we've parcipitated in throughout the course of our roller coaster life.

As for now, my Train of Time is tick-tocking, chung-chunging and is heading for the year 2012. When I look back at the trails of 2011, I realize that there are so many tracks of memories that left my Train a slight peel of paint, memories that filled my Train with the smell of fresh paint, memories that rusts my Train and memories that lubricate my Train.

I really really wanted to bottle up the good & happy memories I gained as I took the railtrack of 2011 and put it into the fridge, so that the memories would froze and stay fresh in my mind all the time. They could keep me being optimistic all the time.

But one thing for sure, my future depends on the railtrack of 2011 that I'd designed myself. I took a life-changing examination this year. The SPM. Whether the railtrack I made leads me to the right way or wrong way, I must keep on moving because the Train of Time doesn't stop nor reverse once it's on the railtrack. But, since I don't know yet whether the journey ahead would be smoothsailing or leaving me bumps and bruises, all I can do right now is to hope that the path taken is alright.

 But hope is a dangerous thing, 'cause sometimes life ain't good. And when I pray, things don't always turning out like I think it should. But, I'll do it anyway. Allah is The Most Merciful, so we should never ever stop praying and believing.

After I exited the railtrack of  SPM on the 30th November, I should've felt more carefree and jumpy but ironically, my knees went weak and bitter taste filled my mouth. Lightning strikes inside my chest thinking that I've just finished my school life. I would miss the sound the bell rang, the stray cats, the books, the odd smell of the toilets, and the Panese language in the canteen (Panese = the "tink tonk klang kung kang" sound of the pans in the kitchen). Most of all, I would miss the memories of my friends and teachers. So, after I exited the railtrack of school life, I would enter a new railtrack afterwards and I don't know whether I'll see my friends ever again. That's the hardest part of leaving school life.

Letting go of school life made a mountain climber out of me, as saying goodbye to those I cared about was my Everest.

But, my Train of Time will keep on moving, and wherever it leads to, I pray that it'll be the right path for me and I would be enjoying the ride. A few bumps and bruises along the way are small prices to pay ;-)

 

Crying Is Beautiful

"Tears. They flow out from you bringing along the burdens that's been trapping inside yourself. Tearing them out are the only way to express true sadness, discomfort, denouncement, disappointment, love, hatred, yearn,  solitude, happiness and everything that's eating the heart."

Being Passionate

I've always loved people who have passions. It could be a passion for anything. The saddest people I've met are the ones who don't really care deeply about anything at all. Without passion, happiness is only temporary because there's nothing to make it lasts.

I really really love to just sit down and hear people talk about his/her passion, because that's when you see a person at his/her best. And when that happened, you could see happiness in them while being absorbed into their stories and I've found that even a fragment of someone else's happiness is really infectious.

So, if you were to having a coffee with me, I'd love to hear about your passion ;-)  

Just Like The Moon

I've always loved full moons. Ever since I was a kid. 

Just like the moon. I portrayed myself.

Just like the moon. I wanted to shine others who's lost and shiver in the darkness.

Just like the moon. I wanted to put a smile on faces whenever they gaze upon me.

Just like the moon. I wanted to stay strong and shine majestically even though I'm alone by myself.

Just like the moon. I can't be perfect either.

Just like the moon. I have weaknesses and defects in me.

Just like the moon. I developed holes during my growing up years.

Just like the moon. I cared less about others whom I'd outshone.
Just like the moon. I missed out something profoundly heartfelt when I look back at the others near, as I was too busy brightening the far.

But, just like the moon.

If I made a mistake, I would have a chance to start over.

Memories

Memories are tough things to consciously ignore, especially the sad variety. They're difficult to predict, hard to forecast, and once the downpour begin, it's impossible to stay dry. Today, a sad-but-not-too-sad-and-gloomy-kinda-feeling memory is all over me like white on rice. My pet fish just died this blustery morning. I'm not really sure why and how it died, maybe it's because of old age or maybe it misses its family too much back at the pet shop. I'm just sayin. It was looking pretty sick these days.

Date of death : 19th December 2011

Time of death : I...I don't know, just woke up and knew about it

Name of patient : Osman

Patient's species : Arowana

Age : 1 year and a couple of months

Length : One-arm-length

Patient's appearance : 

I know, I know, most of the people would go like, "What?? Its name is Osman? Nooo waayyyyy...". Okay let me tell you a wee bit something on how its name is originated. One day my dear brother bought this little fish, about two-fingers in length and we're like, whats its name? A few days later, we're like, whats its name again? So suddenly my brother started to call the fish Osman, in memory of our ex-chauffeur back in Africa. He called it Osman just for fun and we're all like laughing about it and saying, "No way we're going to call him that. How about Nemo or something?". Days later, "Osman! Wow you're getting bigger and bigger!", "Osman, awwww you want something to eat? Here you go!", "Osman, how are you today? You're lookin good and handsome!". So that's how Osman got its name.

If I knew my day today would be like, slightly gloomy I should've made the fish into a curry a year ago. Of course, I felt gloomy upon his death, after all we've been through together. I mean, we do stare at each others eyes often. It tasted like past romance, a bouquet of indelible memories laced with lost love and confused emotions, the flowery passion and affection of two starry-eyed dreamers, tangled up in the ribbons of a faded fairy tale. No, I'm just kidding. According to the Law of Nature, human-fish relationships don't really work out actually. LOL. 

So, what Allah created will eventually return to Him. Dealing with erm... pet deaths are difficult, but thankfully it helps when things are put into perspective. Who knows, maybe I'll be getting a new cat?

Wow, I feel better already. Goodbye now to the breakdown between thought, emotion and behavior. Farewell to faulty perception and inapt actions and feelings. Farewell to Osman. Good riddance to an overwhelming sense of mental fragmentation.

Life is way too short to worry about the past, and I for one, don't have time for anxiety.

If you need me, I'll be in my sweater with a bowl of cereal staring at the empty aquarium all day.

Miss The Old Days

Soon after I ended my school life, I started missing my friends, teachers and the memories that comes with them. Of course, it wasn't "goodbye forever" per se, but that didn't matter because this was the sort of goodbye that produces dull, persistent, throbbing heartache, the kind that makes you think you'll never see them again. It was the close chapter of one level of life, the kind of conclusion that was so sudden and keeps you awake, pacing the house with the lights out. This particular sad farewell to school life left a hole in my chest and a bittersweet taste in my mouth, as saying goodbye has a way of doing. I hate this goodbye.

Sappy and dramatic, right?

Mom, Dad

Moments are ever passing, the Earth continues to spin, time wears on, and thus there is something you need to know :

You encouraged me beyond words

I appreciate you more than I know how to describe ;-)

New Beetle

If you buy this for me, I'll marry you.

My Favourite Scents

1. Outside before it rains
2. My mother
3. Freshly cut grass
4. Old books
5. New clothes
6. Fresh laundry
7. Fruity/floral fragrances
8. Teddy's Dream
9. Food
10. Home =)

That awkward moment, my long lost friend

Confused

That's how you feel when you run into significant other you haven't seen in a long time. A bitter avalanche of icy memories plows into your chest at a breakneck speed, stealing the very breath of your lungs.

So there you are, standing face-to-face, unsure of what to say aside from the typical small talk jabber. A myriad of emotions swirl through both your heads. Maybe you hug an awkward I-haven't-seen-you-in-forever gesture. You just can't stop thinking 'things will never be the way they used to be' and that's what hurts most. You both know where your identities lie and those truly what matter most, but this unforeseen meeting is awkward and there is no denying that. It keeps me awake for nights (its hyperbolic)

Found this and it's pretty interesting - 'Deep Regret' disease for guys

By definition, Deep Regret is the acute anxiety or inevitable apprehension trigged in the average male by the sudden or unexpected appearance of an immensely beautiful girl he innately knows is way out of his league. This girl is so gorgeous, so exquisite, so stunning, he becomes instantly enamored beyond mental functionality and can barely keep his eyes from popping out of his head, let alone bring himself to speak to her. Her beauty and elegance, her feminine mystique are so intoxicating, so staggering, his knees involuntarily go weak, he becomes unreasonably inarticulate, and as a result, just stands there like a n00b with his jaw on the sidewalk. Naturally, she takes zero notice of him and doesn’t even acknowledge his existence as she gracefully strolls away out of sight, and ultimately out of this life forever. It’s not a conscious thing on her part; she’s not being discourteous or mean by any stretch of the imagination, she’s just that sweet, innocent and utterly charming. She simply has no idea.

Okay. Never for a second have I pretended to have the ever-elusive female charm all figured out, but I can certainly speak for the impending inhibitions that we shy males must deal with. I’d tried to give this crazy phenomena a suitable title for a long time until Pete finally hit the nail on the head. Deep Regret refers to the irresistible longing a boy has to approach and speak to his dream girl even though he cannot physically or emotionally make himself do it. He is trapped in inner turmoil. Stricken by quiet chaos. Utterly helpless. Paralyzed. Despite the inner machine gun spray of stinging desperation, he watches her walk away and spends that night staring at the ceiling wondering WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED had he found the strength to fight back the nerves long enough to say hello. His chance is lost, she is gone, yet he still replays the scene in his head, wishing he wasn’t such a jellyfish around pretty girls. Who knows what might’ve happened? He kicks himself. The wondering alone could choke a moose.

That, dear friends, is Deep Regret.

Layback

This whole day I'm at home and I'm like....

T-swizzle

Real life is a funny thing, you know. In real life, saying the right thing at the right moment is beyond crucial. So crucial, in fact, that most of us start to hesitate, for fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. But lately what I’ve begun to fear more than that is letting the moment pass without saying anything. I think most of us fear reaching the end of our life, and looking back regretting the moments we didn’t speak up.


There is a time for silence. There is a time waiting your turn. But if you know how you feel, and you so clearly know what you need to say, you’ll know it. I don’t think you should wait. I think you should speak now.

?

Why is it - the faster you try to attempt to heal from something painful, the more frequently it tends to haunt you? When will the ghost under the stairs give up and go home? Why can't I give them five ringgit and the car keys and tell them to take the night off? -_-"

Regret :'(

I totally regret when my real thoughts are left unsaid..

My Experience

What you say might be too much for some people. Maybe it will come out all wrong and you’ll stutter and you’ll walk away embarrassed, wincing as you play it all back in your head. But I think the words you stop yourself from saying are the ones that will haunt you the longest.

Newbie

Hey I'm taming myself to blogging since I couldn't find anywhere else to share my favourite quotes, interests and thoughts. So, hello to blogging for me! =D