Memories

Memories are tough things to consciously ignore, especially the sad variety. They're difficult to predict, hard to forecast, and once the downpour begin, it's impossible to stay dry. Today, a sad-but-not-too-sad-and-gloomy-kinda-feeling memory is all over me like white on rice. My pet fish just died this blustery morning. I'm not really sure why and how it died, maybe it's because of old age or maybe it misses its family too much back at the pet shop. I'm just sayin. It was looking pretty sick these days.

Date of death : 19th December 2011

Time of death : I...I don't know, just woke up and knew about it

Name of patient : Osman

Patient's species : Arowana

Age : 1 year and a couple of months

Length : One-arm-length

Patient's appearance : 

I know, I know, most of the people would go like, "What?? Its name is Osman? Nooo waayyyyy...". Okay let me tell you a wee bit something on how its name is originated. One day my dear brother bought this little fish, about two-fingers in length and we're like, whats its name? A few days later, we're like, whats its name again? So suddenly my brother started to call the fish Osman, in memory of our ex-chauffeur back in Africa. He called it Osman just for fun and we're all like laughing about it and saying, "No way we're going to call him that. How about Nemo or something?". Days later, "Osman! Wow you're getting bigger and bigger!", "Osman, awwww you want something to eat? Here you go!", "Osman, how are you today? You're lookin good and handsome!". So that's how Osman got its name.

If I knew my day today would be like, slightly gloomy I should've made the fish into a curry a year ago. Of course, I felt gloomy upon his death, after all we've been through together. I mean, we do stare at each others eyes often. It tasted like past romance, a bouquet of indelible memories laced with lost love and confused emotions, the flowery passion and affection of two starry-eyed dreamers, tangled up in the ribbons of a faded fairy tale. No, I'm just kidding. According to the Law of Nature, human-fish relationships don't really work out actually. LOL. 

So, what Allah created will eventually return to Him. Dealing with erm... pet deaths are difficult, but thankfully it helps when things are put into perspective. Who knows, maybe I'll be getting a new cat?

Wow, I feel better already. Goodbye now to the breakdown between thought, emotion and behavior. Farewell to faulty perception and inapt actions and feelings. Farewell to Osman. Good riddance to an overwhelming sense of mental fragmentation.

Life is way too short to worry about the past, and I for one, don't have time for anxiety.

If you need me, I'll be in my sweater with a bowl of cereal staring at the empty aquarium all day.